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January 17, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Wednesday, Republican Senator Rand Paul joined Snapchat, the photo sharing app that allows users to send pictures and video to each other that disappear shortly after being viewed. “What was the...
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March 21, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. Justin Bieber is selling his L.A. mansion and the reported buyer may be Khloe Kardashian. So finally they’ll be a “man of the house.” 2. Yesterday E*Trade bid farewell to the iconic E*Trade baby who...
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July 14, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Friday, NBA superstar LeBron James decided to leave the Miami Heat and return to play for his hometown Cleveland Cavaliers. I feel like Heat fans aren’t going to take the news well when they show...
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January 12, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Sunday, while baptizing 33 infants in the Sistine Chapel, Pope Francis told the mothers to feel free to breastfeed if their babies cried or were hungry. Which was a nice sentiment, but I think...
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January 28, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. President Obama told CNN the type of small drone that crashed on the White House grounds on Monday is available at Radio Shack which illustrates the need for more restrictions over the new...
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March 19, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. According to court documents, when real estate heir and accused murderer Robert Durst was arrested on Sunday he had in his possession more than $40,000 and a neck-to-head latex mask to alter his...
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April 2, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. In a recent interview, Senator Rand Paul said he doesn’t think he’s ever used the term “gay rights.” Which is kinda like bragging that you still use a BlackBerry. 2. The Rolling Stones have...
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April 8, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. A power line broke loose at an electrical substation near Washington D.C. on Tuesday leaving the White House in a state of total black-out. Or, as Secret Service agents thought of it, business as...
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April 10, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. According to reports, Hillary Clinton is expected to launch her 2016 presidential campaign sometime in the next two weeks. Said Bill, “Keggar. My place. Sometime in the next two weeks.” 2. The...
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April 13, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Yesterday, Hillary Clinton announced her candidacy for president in 2016 saying she is “hitting the road to Iowa to start talking directly with voters.” “I don’t know what Iowa voters did, but, from...
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April 17, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Thursday, a video surfaced online of ESPN sideline reporter Britt McHenry unlashing an ugly barrage of insults on a tow-truck employee. And, as far as internet videos of ESPN sideline reporters...
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April 24, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Starbucks announced on Tuesday that it will open up a store in Ferguson, Missouri. As part of its grand opening, the store will run a promotion where any customer who orders a black coffee will be...
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June 19, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Wednesday, U.S. Treasury Secretary Jack Lew said a woman will be featured on a redesigned $10 bill by 2020. Which means, theres’s a chance, for the first time in over 20 years, Hillary may be on...
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August 24, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Apple is recalling a batch of iPhone 6 Plus smartphones that are taking blurry photos. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, they look fine to me,” said Billy Joel. 2. Kentucky’s Republican Party...
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September 18, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Matt Damon has apologized after sparking an uproar in the season premiere of HBO’s “Project Greenlight,” which he produces with Ben Affleck, by explaining diversity in film to a black woman...
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October 23, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Mustard prices have jumped this fall to their highest level in seven years. Which means some of Chris Christie’s shirts are now worth a fortune. 2. According to a new poll, Dr. Ben Carson has pulled...
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November 9, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump hosted “Saturday Night Live” over the weekend. Which seemed like an odd choice since Rand Paul is actually living in a van down by the river. 2. Donald...
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November 12, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Republican presidential candidate Dr. Ben Carson said, if given the opportunity, he would not travel back in time and abort baby Hitler because he does not believe in abortion. “So many mixed...
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December 17, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Tuesday, Malala Yousafzai, the Pakistani teenager who won the Nobel Peace Prize, condemned presidential candidate Donald Trump’s controversial plan to ban Muslims from entering America. Leaving...
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January 6, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. In New York, a gang of strippers is being charged with drugging male clients and robbing them of hundreds of thousands of dollars. “You got it all wrong, you’re supposed to give them money...
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